An Added Dimension: saying good-bye is part of the expat experience
by Saskia Feain
~ friends leaving - an expat reality ~
It's been a busy week with another friend flying in from Sydney for a few days. Along with all the local tourist trap visits and a ferry to Macau, we have been digging up old stories and swapping catch-up ones. It's been emotional, with a lot of talk of a loved one who took his life and stories about friends no longer in my circle. But that's the nature of Hong Kong: people breeze in, stir up your emotions then fly off to another exotic destination. On Friday, a good friend I have known nearly the whole time we have been here returns to the US. This is more of the same and the nature of living here. Friends from your background come and visit, friends who have lived through your time here leave. There is nothing constant about this type of lifestyle when it comes to friends. Sure, I go back to my apartment, check on my boys, check the mail and get on with my life. But the emotion and upheaval that a friend who blows in to town creates sure is different from the burbs of Melbourne or Sydney. It sure stirs the memories of loved ones and great times. It reminds you of what you are missing from home: the dimension of a past.My friend felt that leaving home and going to live somewhere else because of a husband's ambition or your love for him must be a hard thing to do. This, she said, gives your life an added dimension. And that it does - I have met people from all over the world struggling with the same issues that I do living in Asia.  
Loneliness Workbook: A Guide to Developing and Maintaining Lasting Connections I have shared my evening meal with five or six nationalities. I have invited strangers in to my house because they too were in need of a family atmosphere (US Navy men). I have travelled and seen poverty thereby giving me a reminder of how fortunate I really am. I have mastered communication skills that do not involve words. I have found that women are truly the center of the melting pot. I have found that children are a great introduction to strangers who do not know your language. I have learnt to be resourceful so that depression and loneliness do not set in. I have realised that not everyone can live this lifestyle and they can make it hell for their spouse. I have seen people make loads of money here and live extraordinary lives. I have learnt to cope without family and husband at times and cherish my friends who have been single mums. I have become outspoken in issues that are dear to me because it does matter and I can make a difference. I have learnt that your immediate family becomes stronger because you depend on them for your love. I have learnt to become organised because what was here today might be gone tomorrow. I have learnt to move on, especially as friends have said good-bye. And so goes another day for me...my friend came, she breezed around and she left. May her next port of call be as interesting as it has been for me. Bon voyage, mon ami...
Saskia Feain can be found at Aussie Expats where she is a contributor and co-manager.
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