Back in 1988, upon my volunteer arrival as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it was there: no matter where you went or what you were doing, people would stare at you. No matter how much you wanted to be left alone, there was always someone who would bother you with some bit of English that they picked up in school. And the kids would stare and stare and stare and stare.

After my two-year term ended and I returned to Korea on my own as an exchange University student, it was still there: toddlers would look, point, scream, and run away crying; little kids would look, point, and shout: "migook saram!" (American!); high school kids would look, point, and yell in their most abrasive tones, "OH! HELLO, MR. MONKEY!!!!" ('Hello, Mr. Monkey' was a quaint little pop song that someone wrote to be used as an English teaching aid). College students who'd graduated from the Mr. Monkey stage would look, point, and yell, "Yankee, Go Home!!"

Koreans just cannot overcome the seeming need to talk about me; and they always have, and usually still do, talk about me in loud voices as if I were nowhere within forty miles. Clearly they assume that I do not speak Korean. Fifteen years ago, there were virtually no foreigners who spoke Korean. Ten years ago, there were very few. However, these days I have noticed that there are quite a number of non-natives who speak Korean well.

Unfortunately, I've overheard the most hideous and hurtful things being said about me for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than that I am an easy target as a 5' 11", blond, fat, hairy guy. I have heard such priceless gems as, "Oh my! Look at him! How do you think he has sex? He would kill a woman." "Wow! Look at that huge bastard," is one that I hear frequently. My personal favorite comment about me was one I heard on the subway when a mother, trying to silence her screaming brat said menacingly, "Shut up or that fat foreigner will eat you."

I've developed quite a thick skin about such things. I used to berate people who would say things like that. I now have the wisdom to just let the people go on criticizing and then, as one of us leaves, say a single sentence or phrase clearly communicating that I've understood everything they said and found it offensive. If I had continued to allow myself to get worked up into a lather every time someone said that I was fat, I would have died of a brain aneurism long ago. It is much better simply to let them know they lost a potentially valuable customer, a potential friend, or any respect that I might otherwise have had for them.

I really do not think that the average person on the street in Korea realizes how much damage one stupid, childish, and completely unnecessary sentence can damage Korea's international reputation. It only takes insulting one person to have that person tell others in their own country what a horrible and unwelcoming place Korea is to foreigners.

It goes both ways of course. I have frequently heard groups of foreigners loudly criticizing Koreans and Korean culture, with ridiculous generalizations such as "All Koreans are ...," or "Every Korean will..." In many instances, the foreigners are simply letting off steam and venting to each other. However, many times they are serious in their categorical condemnation of all Koreans. I caution such people that there is always at least one Korean within earshot who speaks enough English to understand what you are saying and to become offended. That only makes it difficult for the rest of us and the cycle continues.