One aspect of expatriate life that can be completely disconcerting and unexpected is the amount of staring that goes on.

I was in a MacDonald's in the Polish University city of Lublin when the entire and very crowded retaurant become silent momentarily: an Asian woman and her two children was the cause. Not being Chinese or of any color or culture that stands out, I was surprised to catch so many strange looks as I walked about in Polish towns, cities and villages. I couldn't quite believe that the Poles knew I was a foreigner just by appearance; I thought I blended in (until I opened my American mouth).

However, appearance counts for much here. Women eye other women, quite openly, up and down. They doll up to go to the corner store or for a casual stroll, wearing high-heeled shoes, mini-skirts and make-up when they take the baby to the playground. The sweats and sneakers of the SAHM crowd just does not cut it in the Polish outback, as I commented to another expatriate woman who responded:

It sounds like Polish woman are a lot like the Japanese. It's very much a part of Japanese culture to wear your spike heels while hiking if you're with your boyfriend or husband. Dressing up is a national past time and there are so many rules to follow. For example, one shouldn't let the weather influence your dress. Thus if it's cold on Oct 29th, you don't break the unwritten rule of wearing a turtleneck before Nov. 1st.

People make a big deal about this and will comment on the smallest things. Designer fashions are crucial to status. Most Japanese people will admit that you're judged by appearances and little effort is made to get beyond the surface.

It's a shame women can't be more accepting and try to find out what we share in terms of life's ups and downs.

I'd like to fit in, but at what cost? Expatriate life, by its very nature, is full of change, adaptation and compromise. However, what message do I send my two young daughters if I radically revamp my style of dress in order meet societal demands? Is there a line, once crossed, where sense of identity becomes blurred? If physical appearance alters, what about self-perception? What about self-esteem?