They were at it again. Back against the cold, concrete wall, I sidled to the door, disregarding streaks of cheap whitewash across my shoulders, squinting my eyes to hear better.

My young daughters were chatting nicely, but I couldn't partake, even vicariously by eavesdropping, as I don't speak their second language, their words of play, the tongue of their father's family.

I take it for granted now and with some pride negligently have my four year old translate shopping requests and neighbor's comments, but the journey to being nearly comfortable with literally not being able to understand my children has been painful at times.

English-only speakers raising young children in non-English speaking countries face additional challenges in the expatriate experience. Obviously one of the first steps to take when you know you're relocating is to learn how to speak that country's language, unless you are living on a military base or there is a large English-speaking expatriate community in which you plan to take cover. Initially most expatriates tend to grasp a "tourist" level of the language, barely enough to get by: names of food items for shopping, polite expressions, and so on. While anything's better than nothing, problems will occur until such time as the parent is fully conversant and, speaking from personal experience, that might be never.

So how to cope when your English makes the xenophobic neighborhood kids excessively tongue-tied and shy? What to do when your child's friends do sneaky things behind your back (right in front of you, of course, since you don't understand a word anyway)? What about when kids at the playground, upon hearing an excited "Look at me, Mommy!", badger you and your little ones?

Learn Imperative Phrases

In order to maintain control and protect your children, learn some standard "parenting phrases" such as the all-important: Don't do/touch that! and It's time to go home! and even Go away! or Leave me/us alone! Keep questions answerable only by "yes" or "no", such as: Do you have to use the toilet? and Do you want a drink/sandwich? and Do you need help?.

When small children attempt to shield parents from perceived harm, by responding to taunts that their mommy is different for instance, an unacceptable reversal of roles takes place. A powerless parent is a scary responsibility for a four-year old and the entire situation is extraordinarily emasculating for the adult.

Get Information

When children come to play, have a sheet of paper ready entitled (in the target language of course) "Names and Phone Numbers", for completion by the child or parent. In this way, your own little bilingual wonder can call her friend with an invitation to play: it saves you from having to make a stuttering appearance at the neighbor's, who will inevitably invite you in for speechless cups of tea so that the entire extended family can suddenly appear in the kitchen to stare unabashedly.

This is one instance where you can actually see the process behind the perception that expatriate and bilingual children are very often more advanced than their monolingual peers at home. In addition to acquiring a foreign language, this kid has also learned number recognition (then memorization) and elementary conversational telephone skills with adults and children.

Recognizing Sounds

Polish is a harsh sounding language, as are other Slavic dialects and Middle Eastern and Asian languages, and it might seem to you as if people are constantly arguing or being sarcastic and insulting. You may take great offence when a local shopkeeper says nothing more than "Come back tomorrow", or jump into the play yard fray when the kids are actually getting along quite well.

Just as parents can determine whether their child's wail is serious or cantankerous, in time you will begin to learn the tonality of the new language: sounds of consonants grouped together will never be soothing, but you'll stop sneering at well-wishers.

Bilingual Help

Many expatriates can afford to hire a nanny or "mommy's helper" and it's such a boon if you can find one who's got some knowledge of English that it's worth the extra effort required in searching. She can sort out squabbles arising in the playroom, quash sneak attacks in the making, fend off playground tensions, and haggle with the apple man (he was a real con artist, let me tell you). She can let the meter man in, and chase the beggars away (making mistakes in that arena once cost me some days of hydro).

Buying books and videos in the language of the country you're in allows the nanny to read to your kids and watch programs of your selection (not random or inappropriate TV shows) that she can discuss with or explain to them in your absence.

Use Your Six Words Proudly

Make the effort. When offering the kids juice, ask your child in English and then her friend in a one-worded question: "Jus?" (French); "Sok?" (Polish); "Saft?" (German). You are speaking directly to them in their language, which makes you more like their own mothers and less threatening.

Trips Home

Children notice everything and their perception of you as a permanently befuddled linguistic incompetent, unable to string more than two badly mispronounced words together, will rapidly vanish as they experience another whole world where you're the "same" as every other mom and dad.

It's a relaxing time for both parent and child when role reversals are banished, anonymity cherished, and your kids start using English even privately, between themselves, as their mother tongue.

Welcome home.