Family Life Abroad article ~ The RedCoates in Thailand
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The RedCoates in Thailand
an interview with Karen J. Coates & Jerry Redfern
photo credits Jerry Redfern


~ it ain't Cambodia ~

continued from page one

When I was in grad school, I spent a semester in Vietnam and loved it. I wanted to move back to Asia so I took a job at The Cambodia Daily the next year.

Jerry, who grew up in Montana and whose family traveled whenever they had the chance, tagged along. "I was ready to leave my job at a paper in a small town in Oregon," he says, "and while Cambodia was a little farther afield than what I was originally thinking, I realized it was a great opportunity."

Currently living in Chiang Mai, Thailand, the couple has had to make new adjustments. "I don't know if I'd call it culture shock," says Karen, "but we've found this society to be harder to penetrate, I guess. Which I wasn't really expecting. There's a wall we really can't break as foreigners. When I first realized that, it was a bit depressing. But now that I accept that's the way it is and I can't change it, it's easier to deal with."

"Yes," seconds Jerry. "Thailand advertises itself as an open, friendly society. But after scratching around for awhile, we've found that that is a very pretty veneer. And underneath, the Thais are, um, rather self-centered and unconcerned with others' opinions. Although we have several friends in Bangkok and Cambodia, making Thai friends has been more difficult. Our friends in this country tend to be expats."

Karen observes that "people in Thailand smile at everything, but we've found that it means everything from 'fuck you' to 'sincerely, thank you very much'."


In Vietnam, the friends I had were very emotional and very sincere, and they told you the most intimate details of their lives, but that also meant you had the responsibility of being there whenever they wanted to see you and you were obligated not only to them but their families, leading to very little private time.

And they are both different from Cambodia. Which are all different from Laos. And those countries are different from East Timor, and Bali, and Malaysia, and Burma…

I think while we have found that, yes, people around the world have a lot in common, they also have a great deal more different from each other. The common "Global Village" platitudes do most foreign lands a disservice and handcuff their individuality.


And what about the stresses of expatriate life, on top of those of a married couple who work in a highly competitive field together? Karen says that, overall, it's actually brought them closer together as a couple, although "on a day-to-day basis, let's just say we have some nasty days".

"We are together 24/7," excuses Jerry.

"Not entirely. But sometimes it feels like it," corrects Karen.

"Because of that," Jerry continues, unabashed, "I think we squabble more than many couples. But, then, I don't know of any other couple that would still be together after all of this much, well, togetherness. At the same time, I still think I married one of the most interesting people I've ever met."

"I agree," ends Karen.


This award-winning team not only documents people's lives all over Asia, covering health and environmental issues, but has also expanded their initial work in Cambodia into a long-term project examining societies after war and those living under oppression. What's next now that Jerry's finished up an exhibition in Phnom Penh at the FCC?

Well, Karen's book on contemporary Cambodian life is just out published by McFarland & Company, and they've got articles in the works for Archaeology and Wildlife Conservation magazines.

They're hoping to head (finally) to Sri Lanka for a look at the peace plans; Nepal, for a look at life under attack; maybe Rwanda, for a look at life 10 years after genocide (but that one's a long-shot); East Timor again soon, as the UN phases out its operations there; and Bangladesh, for a look at everything simply because the country interests them. It's a matter of finding time to do it all.

Visit them at their site redcoates.net for updates.


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Travel Tips:
"If your kid's like mine, she gets a kick out of ice cubes. Ask for some when the flight attendant rolls by."
~
"Take a (deflated) beachball in the carry-on. The kids can play at the airport during an interminable lay-over; it won't hurt anyone or get lost and you can let the air out when your flight's (finally!) called."
~
"Put a few twist-ties in your wallet. They provide temporary fix-its as well as keeping things in order."
~



Heron II



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